9 Ways to Trust Those Around You

October 13th, 2007

This article is the sixth in a series on the Witches Square. The first article in the series introduces the four corners of the Witches Square, Perfect Love, Perfect Trust, Discipline and Will. Your true potential as a Witch will be achieved when you live your life in harmony with these four principles in equal proportion. Perfect Trust allows the creative force created by Perfect Love to focus and multiply. When you have mastered Perfect Trust, your magic will be enhanced because you will not doubt your spells. You will also be more open to allowing the other people and the Gods to assist you, rather than hindering their assistance with fear. There are three steps to mastering Perfect Trust.

  1. Trust yourself
  2. Trust those around you
  3. Trust the Gods

Perfect Trust in Ritual

It is common in many Wiccan circles to enter with the declaration that you enter “In Perfect Love and Perfect Trust.” Some groups, however, use other words instead of “Perfect Trust” for their circle entrance. A common substitution is “Perfect Peace.” I have personally seen this in prison circles, but I have heard of it elsewhere. This is because the people don’t trust their fellow circle-mates (sometimes with good reason). The problem is that peace is not the same as trust, especially on a magical level.

Trust involves a state of vulnerability. To declare that you enter in “Perfect Trust” allows you to leave your personal psychic shields at the entrance. It allows you to be vulnerable with your fellow worshipers, which in turn allows the circle to grow closer and more intimate. It also allows the magic of the circle to affect you without the hindrance of your psychic shields.

Our culture is very mistrusting. We are raised to not trust other people for fear they may hurt us. We are taught that to appear vulnerable will allow malicious people (who are always around us) to take advantage of us. Unfortunately, it has led to a mistrust of literally everyone, including “close” family members. This leads to chronic loneliness, fear and alienation that is extremely common in our culture.

Practicing ritual with other people in Perfect Love and Perfect Trust provides a place where you can be vulnerable while remaining safe inside the circle’s protection. In the beginning, when circle members don’t know each other very well, it can be difficult. It is critical, though, for the success of the circle. If members don’t develop an openness and vulnerability with each other, the circle will self-destruct with accusations and distrust between members. Unfortunately, most accusations are of petty slights and misunderstandings, but with trust not sufficiently developed or undermined, the group is destroyed.

I’ve learned some techniques for developing trust for other people in circle that you may want to consider.

  1. Always spend time after ritual to chat. A fellowship hour allows people to get to know each other. Having a small potluck during this time makes it even more intimate and effective.
  2. After each ritual, everyone present should say something about how it affected them. This should always be sincere and does not need to be a comment about how the ritual was conducted. Maybe you felt a chill in the air when someone evoked the ancients. Or maybe you were confused by something.
  3. Remember that the circle is a family and everyone in the circle is part it.
  4. If you are hurt by something someone says, don’t “clam-up” and hide your pain. Instead, assume that you may have misunderstood the other person, or they misunderstood something you said. Ask them what they meant in an open manner and work it out right away.
  5. If someone says something that you find strange, dumb or stupid, don’t deride them for it. Don’t talk about it behind their back. We all say “dumb” things at times and we all have our moments of forgetting the “obvious.” If you are a seasoned veteran, remember what it was like when you were new.
  6. Don’t discuss people’s personal live with your circle. You can feel free to talk about your own personal life, but don’t discuss another circle-mate’s marriage, job, hobbies or children unless they specifically bring it up and wish to discuss it. What they do in their personal life is not relevant to what your circle does.

Perfect Trust in Everyday Life

After learning to live and act with Perfect Trust in a magical circle, it is time to move that to your everyday life with other people. This is very difficult in our distrustful society. Living with trust in other people allows you to be more honest and open with them. It also gives a strength that the strongest person cannot muster on their own. Trusting other people allows them to trust you and this bond of trust allows a more intimate bond that works for your common benefit.

The techniques for developing trust within a magical circle also help with trusting others outside of circle. Here are some other ways to develop the ability to trust others.

  1. Remember that people want to improve themselves and grow and they fundamentally mean well in most circumstances. If someone slights you, stop before you respond. Think about the possibility that they spoke or acted with the intent of doing good. This will help to reduce the chances of blowing up a mountain out of a molehill of misunderstanding.
  2. Trusting others does not mean that we need to be naive. You can give people the benefit of the doubt without forgetting that there are some lost or confused people who act maliciously. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but also trust yourself to know when to avoid someone or protect yourself from them.
  3. When someone does hurt you or acts maliciously, remember in the future that they may have changed and grown. Don’t just assume that because they hurt you in the past that they will do so in the future.

I was teased a lot when I was in school. As I went through high school, there was a particular boy who seemed focused on taunting and fighting me. I was more of a doormat than a fighter. When I started community college, I was worried because he went to the same college. He surprised me, though, when we met in the hall of the community college. Instead of throwing a jeer at me or a threat, he just casually said “hi.” He had completely changed and we never had any other problems between us. If I had acted as if he was going to threaten me, I would have greatly overreacted and would have created a bad situation.

Trusting other people allows you to be open to the companionship and assistance that other people bring. As humans, we are social beings who require social connections with others. By opening your heart to trusting others, you connect yourself more to the web of life and to a much happier way to live. You also prepare yourself for the next step in mastering Perfect Trust, Trusting the Gods.

Here are the other articles in this series on the Witches Square:

  1. Unlock Your Magical Self with the Power of the Witches Square
  2. 3 Steps to Loving Yourself Perfectly
  3. 6 Steps to Compassion: Loving Others Perfectly
  4. Love the World and All That’s in It
  5. Trust Yourself
  6. 4 Steps to Faith
  7. Developing Discipline
  8. Discover Your Will

 


2 Responses to “9 Ways to Trust Those Around You”

  1. kip Says:

    This is the first time I’ve seen your blog. Great job! As a solitary, I don’t really do too well trusting others…

  2. Morninghawk Says:

    Thanks for stopping by.

    It is difficult to trust others. I admit I am not perfect at it either. I see this as a process that one always is working to improve (as are all of the other aspects of the Witches Square).

    If you don’t have a group nearby that you can feel comfortable with, that can make it more difficult. When this is the case, my suggestion would be to translate the “ritual suggestions” to everyday life as much as they can be applied. #4 and 5 can fairly easily be applied outside of circle, along with #6 to some extent.

    Blessed be.

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