On Destiny

June 1st, 2013

My familyOver the years, I’ve struggled with the ideas of destiny and fate and their relationship to will. If you have free will, and the moral obligation to follow on your free will as I believe, then how could your fate be predetermined? How could you have a destiny set out for you? The two seemed very much at odds with each other.

I’ve been rather quiet on my blog lately, as I was going through an initiation that taught me about destiny. I spoke with Demeter at one point, and she gave a key that I can share with you

Basically, destiny is a thread of one’s existence. It is a primary theme that keeps appearing across your lifetimes, through multiple reincarnations. It is normally tightly related to your Great Work, unless you go through the process of changing your Great Work. Changing your destiny is much more difficult than changing your Great Work, and it is best if the two are aligned and you are aware of both.

I’ll use myself and my wife, Solongo, as examples. My destiny is that of the Father. Her destiny is that of the Mother. As a result, we are blessed with five children, and the Gods say that we will be blessed with more. They did not say we would be blessed with more if we choose to create them biologically. If we didn’t give birth to more children, they would come under our roof in other ways. Maybe they would come through the foster care system or adoption. Or they could come by being friends with our biological children, and simply stay for extended times. They might come as neighborhood children who visit often. We naturally attract children wherever we go, to the point that occasionally, when we leave an area, there are more children coming with us than we brought. Parenting is our destiny, and when we look back to past lifetimes, we see lots of children of many forms in them.

If we resisted this destiny and worked to avoid children in our home, it would cause a lot of discord in our lives. They would still be drawn to us, and we would be generating a lot of negative energy in pushing them away. Since both my wife and I are destined to be the Mother and Father, we would definitely experience birth control failure if we used it too much, for example.

I didn’t need to know that raising children was my destiny to start living in accordance with it. It was something that always attracted me. Since I was young, I felt and dreamed about having many children. When I met my wife we talked about wanting to have children, even before we knew it would be with each other. When we got married, we knew we wanted five children, to the point of taking an oath with the Gods to have five children for Them.

When our fifth child was born, we thought we needed to stop having them. We fulfilled our promise to the Gods, and our Humanist society puts incredible pressure to not have more children. We were told by people all around us what a burden it would be if we weren’t “responsible” and stopped having them. They cost so much money, we were told, and they wouldn’t get enough individual attention.

We struggled with deciding on the type of birth control to use after our fifth. We felt that it should be a long-term form since we weren’t planning to have any more kids. But we had negative feelings about surgical birth control. My wife was adamant about not getting a tubal ligation. I was uncomfortable with getting a vasectomy, and she was against it as well. We ended up deciding on the Mirena IUD. Long-term, few minor side effects, and reversible if we changed our minds (which we were sure we would not do).

The problem is that after about a year and a half of having the IUD, Solongo had problems with chronic low energy, back pain, irregular periods, bladder sensitivity issues, heart palpitations, and other ailments. After doing some research and reading about other women’s experiences, she found this was not uncommon with IUDs, though it is not talked about in the medical literature. The more we read, the more we found women whose experience with their IUD was more problematic than what the available official literature implied. I didn’t care for it either, since I didn’t think it felt good to get poked by the plastic strings when we had sex. We decided it needed to be removed so she wouldn’t continue to suffer. Her body’s rejection of the IUD, along with the opening of our hearts and listening to our intuition, led us to learning our destiny.

We talked about what type of birth control to use instead of an IUD and spent a lot of time and energy worrying about it. One night, Demeter came to me and showed me a home full of children. I learned that no matter what we do, we will have more children in our home, possibly until we are very old. They included our children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, and even some foster children. We decided to open our hearts to our destiny, more than we previously did, now that we knew what it was. As a result, we decided to not use any birth control anymore and simply let the Gods decide how many children we would be blessed with.

It was very liberating and joyful, as it lifted a big weight from our shoulders. Raising children is not easy or always fun, but we’ve learned how it is more important to follow one’s destiny than it is to have fun. Life is more meaningful that way, and we both agree that meaning in life is much more important than amusement and ease.

I find it strange, and somewhat sad in a way, that because of our brood and our belief that children are blessings from the Gods to be welcomed with open arms and hearts, we are in many ways closer in line with fundamentalist Christians than we would like to think. We find that we relate more to “quiverful” and Mormon families than most Pagans, except for the fact that our theological beliefs are extremely Pagan, and quite incompatible with fundamentalist Christianity.

Demeter said that our destiny is to have and raise children. When She said this, it shed a great light on our Great Works and gave them depth and dimension that was not previously apparent. Solongo and I gave Her our word that we would welcome all of Her blessings into our home, and raise them to know the Gods. Because we believe in everyone having their own will, we could not promise that our children would worship our Gods on their own or follow Them, because that is not something we can (or should) control. But we can promise that they would know the Gods.

As our family has grown and developed, I’ve seen the beauty and camaraderie between large Pagan families that we’ve met. Now that we’ve learned to embrace our destiny of being a Pagan portal for children, a new dimension is added. My belief is that the Pagan community will grow and strengthen significantly through other families with similar beliefs, who openly welcome and embrace all children the Gods bless them with, regardless of whether the blessings arrive through giving birth, adopting, fostering, or any other means. Children are the future of any religion or movement, and if it does not have children and raise them to know its Gods and beliefs, then it will die as the believers move on to the Underworld.

I understand that different people have different destinies, which are revealed to them in different ways. I pray that you learn about yours, if you haven’t already. If you do know your destiny, I pray the Gods give you the strength to keep your heart and your mind open to allow it to flow through you, as you act in accordance with your True Will, toward the completion of your Great Work.

So mote it be.

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